My More Positive Outlook on Life

I’ve been thinking about how I now have a much more positive view of things than I did in previous years when I was Mormon.  In my former belief system, I accepted the “end times” scenario of my religion, believing that the world would end with a series of catastrophic natural disasters culminating in the second coming of Christ and the burning of all the unrighteous people.  There was debate about who would qualify as unrighteous but, nevertheless, it was a rather scary scenario…and I took it somewhat literally. I also believed that, because we were in the last days, we needed a year supply of food to survive the increasing frequent and devastating natural disasters and man-made economic collapse that was sure to come.  I also accepted that the world was getting more and more wicked, that the family was under attack by Satanic influences and that I was raising my children in the most wicked time that had ever existed.  I believed that what we referred to in church as “the world” was an evil place, full of temptations, deceit, dishonesty, and inducements that would pull me into sadness and disappointment.  I also believed that “worldly” people we unhappy, pleasure seeking libertines devoid of true joy, because they didn’t know where to find it.

When I think of my former attitudes about things, they were negative indeed.  Today, my attitudes about the world and the future are much more positive.  I now see the world as a positive place rich with opportunities and full of people who provide wisdom, kindness, and friendship.  Instead of getting worse, I now see the world as getting better all the time. Over the span of history, the world has moved increasingly forward toward greater social justice, equality, and opportunity.  I don’t think I’m wrong in this.  Although we sometimes think we live in a violent time full of physical risks and dangers Harvard University Professor and author Steven Pinker http://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8, shows that we are actually living in the most peaceful era of our species history. And almost no matter what criteria you pick (infant mortality, life expectancy, percent in poverty, literacy rate, or environmental heath) the world is better than ever before http://startupguide.com/world/the-world-is-actually-getting-better/.

I’m also more positive about science that I was before.  Previously, I viewed science as somewhat suspect because it contradicted my deeply held religious beliefs about the origin of the universe, the belief that man descended from Adam and Eve, and the belief that evolution couldn’t be true because there was no death before the fall.  After abandoning those beliefs, I now I see science as a wonderful, yet cautious, gateway to truth.  I see being skeptical about religious claims as a positive and more healthy way of being.

Finally, I no longer see the family as being “under attack” by Satan.  In fact, although the American family is changing, I think in most ways, it’s changing for the better.  As historian Stephanie Coontz points out http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/articles/article10.htm, our nostalgia for the American family of the 1950s is borne of a sort of collective amnesia which causes us to overlook the unseen darker side of the Leave it to Beaver generation in which Blacks and other minorities faced discrimination, women couldn’t get loans or credit cards in their own names, and unwed mothers were rushed out of town to be hidden away until their children were born or given up for adoption.  I had a young friend, who was gay, who killed himself because his family rejected him (which I wrote about here).  That was in 1975.  So yes, I think things are better today.

I love that my life and outlook are more positive and I attribute that to realizing that many of the negative messages I received from my religion just weren’t real.  I’m happier now that I’ve left those negative messages behind me.

New  Survey of Over 3000 respondents shows why some committed LDS leave.  http://mormonstories.org/top-5-myths-and-truths-about-why-committed-mormons-leave-the-church/

The Same Sex Marriage Developments in Utah

I haven't posted anything for quite awhile but the recent events in my home state related to the overturning of the ban on same-sex marriage have prompted me to write.  Most of my family and many of my friends are LDS and some, I assume, are opposed to same-sex marriage.  But I think there are good reasons, both moral and constitutional, to support same sex marriage.  Some Utahn's have complained that Judge Robert J. Shelby Dec. 20 decision, enjoining the State of Utah from enforcing its constitutional and statutory ban on same-sex marriage ignored the will of the majority of the state's residents.  However, as Rick L. Knuth pointed out in his December 28 Salt Lake Tribune column, constitutional rights cannot and should not determined by majority vote.  That's because it is often the majority who wish to deny the rights of minorities.  It is the courts that have to make a decision based on the people and cases that come before it.  It is judges who have to determine if rights have indeed been violated in the case of particular individuals or groups.  This cannot be determined by majority vote no matter how much the majority would like to think so.

Also, I don't think that any of the arguments against same sex marriage stand up to logical or historical scrutiny.  Many of those arguments, perhaps all of them, were also leveled against inter-racial marriage back in the 60s and are now being re-iterated in this newer context.  They are also the same arguments that were leveled against Mormon polygamous marriages around the turn of the century.  But today's arguments against same sex marriage don't seem to me to be any more valid now than they were then.  My prediction is that in 20 years, those who voice opposition against same sex marriage will be ashamed to admit that they were ever against it.

I also believe that the LDS church has and will continue to evolve its position on same sex marriage.  It's new website http://www.mormonsandgays.org/ is much more benign in its opposition than was the case when I was a Mormon attending BYU.  Ernest L. Wilkinson, president of BYU from 1951 to 1971 was known for standing in front of the entire student body and inviting "any students who have any homosexual tendencies to leave the university immediately...."   "We do not want others on this campus," he said, "to be contaminated by your presence."1  Fortunately, this is no longer the prevailing attitude at BYU where, according to recent reports, LGTB acceptance is growing.  Prominent LDS members such as Carol Lynn Pearson, Benji Schwinner and Mitch Mayne who have bravely told their stories have, I think, helped change the opinions of many of their fellow church members as well as some church leaders.  Consequently, the church's recent statement released after the December judicial decision is much more subdued and conciliatory and emphasizes respect for all people. As this December 28 Op-Ed in the Salt Lake Tribune points out, doctrines in the LDS have evolved over time and sometimes have taken a 180-degree turn (plural marriage and priesthood/temple work for blacks to name just two examples).

Finally, in my view,  families become stronger, not weaker when we allow people who love each other to get married and to commit to each other for a lifetime.  Those who wish for a stagnant definition of the traditional family forget that the defining characteristics of the "traditional" family depend on what culture and which era of history one looks it.  Arranged marriages were traditional for centuries and still haven't died out in some middle-eastern cultures.  At one time in history, being required to marry your rapist was part of the societal norm.  In more recent history, girls marrying in their late teens was common at the turn of the century.  Even in the 1950s, an era that many look to as the prime of the ideal family, the traditional family wasn't so ideal.  Women were unable to get divorced easily, even from an abusive spouse and there were few options available to women who divorced.  To me, the tradition we should want to preserve is that of honoring all loving, committed relationships and respecting each others differences and common desires in life.

The Better Angels of Our Nature

When the subject of religion comes up in our home, it is sometimes exasperating to others that I don't believe that religion is the reason that we, as individuals or as a society, are good.  While it is true that particular religious movements at particular times in history have worked against violence and unkind treatment of people and groups, it is just a true that religion has motivated much harm.   Throughout history, belief in religion has authorized genocide, rape, slavery and the execution of nonconformists.  For milennia the Christian Old and New Testiment scriptures were used to rationalize the massacre of infidels, the ownership of women, the beating of children, and the persecution of heretics and homosexuals.  Humanitarian reforms in these areas, including the elimination of cruel punishment and the abolition of slavery, were opposed by the ecclesiastical authorities of the time. Humanitarian reforms in these areas, often led by religious as well as non-religious individuals, were eventually adopted by traditional religions... but those religions were not the source of humanitarian progress.

A better explanation for the source of societal progress is given in Micheal Shermer's book, The Science of Good and Evil:  Why People Cheat, Gossip, Care, Share, and Follow the Golden Rule. In that book, Shermer documents how our sense of right and wrong arises not from religion, but from our own social history and ability to reason.  Steven Pinker's book: The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence has Declined, also shows how humanitarian reforms came about historically and the role that religion did and did not play in that progress.

From my Friend Eric Jones...
October 10, 2012

I am a little angry right now and need to vent:

I have left the church and would love to leave it alone if it weren't for the continued lies and manipulations performed by the church. I resigned while living in a small town after serving in the Bishopric. I felt a responsibility to make my decision my own and not try to illuminate everyone's mind as to why I was leaving. I felt like my position was one of influence and had no desire to hurt the ward or its members. I did not want to hurt the individuals that seem to be comfortable with their faith and their understanding of what the church is. I was angry with the church and felt hurt because I was lied to and manipulated and worst of all my wife and children were lied to and manipulated. My leaving has cost me friendships and some ...

once very close family ties are now distant. Those friends and family that have found it so hard to accept the minimal evidence that I shared can not believe the factual history regarding the church and it leaves them confused and worried for me and my ability to guide my family. I accepted all that and was losing my bitterness for the church until this weekend.
The church managed to do me harm even while I am not a member. By the numerous talks that told my literaly believing already struggling less accepting friends and family that 1) there is no real historical concern 2) Historical facts that are concerning about the church are simply lies 3) I need to repent of such investigations 4) avoid all of that research and investigation because it is sin 5) the middle way is wrong.
They successfully reinforced ignorance, fear, and lies to the detriment of my relationship with active friends and family all to maintain their authority and hide their shame. They lied to cover the lies and in doing so drove a deeper wedge into my relationships with active church members. What is the result of this behavior? Bitterness, dissappointment, frustration, and an overwhelming desire to educate the world regarding Mormon history! Now I don't want to exit the church I want the church to be educated. If you are a person that knows this history and decides to stay that's fine you are making an educated decision, the wisdom of which can be debated on another post, but at least you are informed.

My Hopes for a Respectful General Conference

The major times that I disenchanted with what is said in conference is when disparaging remarks are made about people like me who have left or changed their mind about the church.  I know that my children and grandchildren faithfully listen to conference and that they revere these men.  So I feel it undermines my role as a father and grandfather when my decisions and beliefs are not respected.  I really do try to be respectful of all opinions and it bothers me when church leaders disparage me and the decisions I have struggled with and made for the best reasons.

I’m talking about things like President Monson’s remarks at Priesthood session reported on the church website where he said that missionaries need to find those who have strayed.  Nothing wrong with that.  But then he goes on immediately to say, “Bad habits can be overcome, transgressions can be repented of”...implying that anyone who changes his or her mind about the church does so only because of bad habits and transgressions. Why not say, "some people after sincere study and investigation honestly arrive at different conclusions about religion.  We respect them as they respect us."  Is that really asking too much?

Elder Holland made another similarly disparaging statement at the conclusion of his otherwise excellent talk about loving the Savior when he said something about "those who snack on cultural Hor d'oeuvres at the smorgasbord of the Church are in store for long sleepless nights."  Actually, many of the people I know who have changed their mind about the church sleep just fine because they feel that they are basing their lives on what they now believe to be true and factual. 

From what I heard, though, this conference may have actually been more respectful of other's beliefs than in the past. So I see that as a positive.  There were also a couple of talks I really liked, including the one by Linda Burton on Sunday morning.  She talked about First Observe then Serve. It was a wonderful talk about loving and caring for people.  Her talk made me feel like we would have a much kinder, gentler, more open and accepting church if women made policy instead of men.

My First Mormon Stories Conference

Last week I attended my first ever Mormon Stories http://mormonstories.org/ conference/social.  I have been wanting to attend on of the local group gatherings for a long time but was never able to until now.  They are current members, former members, people who left the church and are returning, people who are navigating their transition out and all are welcome with interesting topics to discuss.  Our speakers were Joanna Brooks http://mormonstories.org/joanna-brooks-the-book-of-mormon-girl/ and Greg Prince http://mormonstories.org/a-thoughtful-faith-episode-1-greg-prince-manifesto-for-change/.  I had a wonderful time and met lots of interesting people.