On Kids and Baseball

I was out riding my bike this afternoon and noticed a high school baseball game going on at Hylton High School.  So I rode my bike up to the diamond and took a seat in the bleaches to watch.  Even though I never played baseball much as a kid, watching kids play it brings back memories....memories of the many warm southern California summer days I spent riding my bike with friends to Crone park in Anaheim, where there were often Little League games going on.  I loved the game day environment, the concessions, and watching the game and the people. And when my son played Little League, I came to love watching it even more...partly because I could relate to how McKay felt when he played.  He was better at the game that I ever was, but every time he was at bat or whenever a ball came his direction, my heart would jump to my throat.  It still happens when I watch kids play baseball.  To me, it' more emotional watching kids who haven't totally mastered the game than it is watching professionals.   Baseball is different than most other games. One kid at a time gets up to bat.  One kid pitches the ball.  One kid gets a hit, flies out, or strikes out...and for some reason, more than any other game, I can feel what he feels at that moment.  Even though the game sometimes feels slow, to me, it's very intense.

Father's Day Letter to my Children

Hey everyone,

I noticed that TIME magazine asked several fathers to write an open letter to their children and it seemed like a nice idea.  Plus, it’s a good way to remind you all to call me on Father’s Day .  My dad, who I think you all have good memories of, was a great dad.  But he wasn’t perfect and I wouldn’t have wanted him to be.  Actually, I don’t think that being perfect is even a good goal for a person because there are so many varieties and personalities that no one would even know what perfect meant.  I think it’s better to think that we are perfect, by just being the way we are.  And so I think of each of you as perfect in your own way and I love each of you just the way you are.

In you, I see part of me. I see you going through the phases of life that I went through but you are doing it, I think, much better.  And you are doing it in a time that in many ways is more conducive to happiness and well-being because our culture has advanced to be more accepting of people and differences.

Christianne, you are doing a great job as a mom and are emulating many of the things your mom did with you kids. I love that.   Julie, you are showing everyone what a wonderful mom, wife and person you are.  I’m so glad to see your many successes in your family and career.  Ruthanne, I can’t believe how much you have helped your family, me and so many people you know with great ideas for saving money and making life good.  I’m so proud of you.  Karie, I’ve always admired your entrepreneurial attitude and you’ve shown how that can bring success.  Now I’m excited to see what great things you will accomplish in your new adventures with Jake.  Susie, your interest in daring to do things that other people might not is admirable.  Your world-wide adventures encourage everyone to dream big. McKay, we all know you’re amazing in how you are able to apply yourself to whatever you are choosing to do at the time.  That’s a characteristic that will serve you will throughout your life no matter what goals or challenges you face.

Life is shorter than you think and there are more wonderful things out there than you may realize. That’s why you should make the most of it and seek to live, at least occasionally, outside of your comfort zone.  Don’t let fear keep you from considering new experiences, ideas, or learnings.  It’s never too early to make a “bucket list” of things you want to do or try before your life, your youth, the decade, or year is over.  Life is full of wonders and strange and wonderful people and places.  Make new and different kinds of friends as you go through life because friends give spice and variety to our days and cause us to think and try things we might not otherwise attempt.

That’s the best advice I can give you.  At this point, I’m learning more from each of you than you are from me.  That’s how incredible you are!

Again, don’t forget to call me on Father’s Day!

All my love,

Dad

My More Positive Outlook on Life

I’ve been thinking about how I now have a much more positive view of things than I did in previous years when I was Mormon.  In my former belief system, I accepted the “end times” scenario of my religion, believing that the world would end with a series of catastrophic natural disasters culminating in the second coming of Christ and the burning of all the unrighteous people.  There was debate about who would qualify as unrighteous but, nevertheless, it was a rather scary scenario…and I took it somewhat literally. I also believed that, because we were in the last days, we needed a year supply of food to survive the increasing frequent and devastating natural disasters and man-made economic collapse that was sure to come.  I also accepted that the world was getting more and more wicked, that the family was under attack by Satanic influences and that I was raising my children in the most wicked time that had ever existed.  I believed that what we referred to in church as “the world” was an evil place, full of temptations, deceit, dishonesty, and inducements that would pull me into sadness and disappointment.  I also believed that “worldly” people we unhappy, pleasure seeking libertines devoid of true joy, because they didn’t know where to find it.

When I think of my former attitudes about things, they were negative indeed.  Today, my attitudes about the world and the future are much more positive.  I now see the world as a positive place rich with opportunities and full of people who provide wisdom, kindness, and friendship.  Instead of getting worse, I now see the world as getting better all the time. Over the span of history, the world has moved increasingly forward toward greater social justice, equality, and opportunity.  I don’t think I’m wrong in this.  Although we sometimes think we live in a violent time full of physical risks and dangers Harvard University Professor and author Steven Pinker http://www.amazon.com/Better-Angels-Our-Nature-Violence/dp/0143122010/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8, shows that we are actually living in the most peaceful era of our species history. And almost no matter what criteria you pick (infant mortality, life expectancy, percent in poverty, literacy rate, or environmental heath) the world is better than ever before http://startupguide.com/world/the-world-is-actually-getting-better/.

I’m also more positive about science that I was before.  Previously, I viewed science as somewhat suspect because it contradicted my deeply held religious beliefs about the origin of the universe, the belief that man descended from Adam and Eve, and the belief that evolution couldn’t be true because there was no death before the fall.  After abandoning those beliefs, I now I see science as a wonderful, yet cautious, gateway to truth.  I see being skeptical about religious claims as a positive and more healthy way of being.

Finally, I no longer see the family as being “under attack” by Satan.  In fact, although the American family is changing, I think in most ways, it’s changing for the better.  As historian Stephanie Coontz points out http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/articles/article10.htm, our nostalgia for the American family of the 1950s is borne of a sort of collective amnesia which causes us to overlook the unseen darker side of the Leave it to Beaver generation in which Blacks and other minorities faced discrimination, women couldn’t get loans or credit cards in their own names, and unwed mothers were rushed out of town to be hidden away until their children were born or given up for adoption.  I had a young friend, who was gay, who killed himself because his family rejected him (which I wrote about here).  That was in 1975.  So yes, I think things are better today.

I love that my life and outlook are more positive and I attribute that to realizing that many of the negative messages I received from my religion just weren’t real.  I’m happier now that I’ve left those negative messages behind me.

LDS Families with Gay Kids - The Example of Tom and Wendy Montgomery

I wrote this letter to my kids this morning...

Dear CJRKS and M,

Something happened recently that I want to share with you.  Last week I attended an event at Greg Prince’s house where the speakers were Tom and Wendy Montgomery.  Their story was recently featured on abcnew.com http://abcnews.go.com/Health/mormon-mom-fought-prop-fights-gay-son/story?id=19451081 and other national media outlets. The event related to something that happened earlier in my life.  One of my closest friends in high school was Grant Underwood.  (Grant visited us at our house one time in Riverton and met all of you but you probably don’t remember.  He now teaches history at BYU. )  We were in the same ward as teenagers and he, Cole, Wayne and I did lots of things together.  We all had VW bugs and hung out all the time at each other’s houses.  During much of this time, it was just me and my dad at home and the Underwood family kind of adopted me, often having me over for dinner.  They were a wonderful family and I loved them dearly.  Grant had a sister and younger brother Bruce who I was also friends with.  Bruce was a wonderful kid…extremely smart, outgoing, and friendly.  (The picture below is of Me, Cole, Bruce and the Underwoods in front of their Anaheim house after my mission, approx. 1974).

After Grant and I both returned from our missions, we continued our close friendship.  We both left for BYU that September and were roommates for my first year at BYU.  I think it was the next year when Grant’s younger brother came out as gay.  He was still totally active in the Church.  This was like 1978 or 79, and homosexuality was not understood at the time. Unfortunately, Grant and his parents were not accepting of Bruce being gay.  His dad was bishop at the time and he excommunicated him.  Grant never spoke his brother’s name again and two year later, Bruce committed suicide. I remember feeling at the time what a terrible loss this was because Bruce was such a great person and had so much potential. In hindsight, I view it as a tragedy that didn’t need to happen. 

And so when Greg hosted this event, I wanted to attend.  The Montogomery’s, who are active LDS, told their story of how their son Jordan came out to them when he was 13 and about how he had by that time already contemplated suicide.  They told their story of how they chose to accept him and love him, and how they have adjusted.  Their story has become part of a film called “Families are Forever,” produced as part of the Family Acceptance Project.  We got to see the entire film but you can see the trailer at the above link and read their story.  The group of about 100 people at the Greg Prince event was a mixed group consisting of a Stake President, some Bishops, former Bishops, active LDS, LDS parents with gay children, gay ex-Mormons, gay ex-Catholics, members of LDS Affirmation, and non-LDS.  In the question and answer session, several told their stories.  I had a strong emotional response to the film, to the Montgomery’s, and to the other stories there, a feeling akin to “feeling the Spirit” that I had at other times in my life and it brought back to my mind the tragedy of Bruce’s suicide.

I’ve also known personally of two other LDS young people who committed suicide over being gay and unaccepted by their families.  I don’t want to see other LDS kids committing suicide over this so am glad that people like the Montgomery’s are in the Church and are telling their story of acceptance and love.  They also told of their relationship with LDS Apostle Todd Christopherson, who has a gay brother, and their meetings with him in which he encouraged them to continue doing what they are doing, speaking and sharing the film.

I share this with you because of the way it affected me and hope that you might find it informative as well and perhaps may help other families that you may encounter.

All my love,

Dad

New  Survey of Over 3000 respondents shows why some committed LDS leave.  http://mormonstories.org/top-5-myths-and-truths-about-why-committed-mormons-leave-the-church/

Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife

I have read several of the popular books about Near Death Experiences and some of the scientific articles regarding them.  I think NDE's may be real experiences, but for the same reasons that Jeremy expresses in his review https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/520968782?book_show_action=true&page=1, I don't think they are proof of heaven or of an afterlife.  Eben Alexander's experiences https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15851746-proof-of-heaven are personal and poignant, but the scientific explanations that he casually rejects at the end of the book are all more plausible than I think he leads us to believe.  I can't say it better than Jeremy does in the conclusion of his review, which I quote below:

"What many skeptics have noted is that Dr. Alexander doesn’t consider the possibility that his experience might have occurred as he surfaced from his coma. We all have dreams that feel like hours and discover upon awakening that they spanned only a few minutes. The scientific literature on NDE describes some long experiences that occurred within as little as 30 seconds. It’s possible that this otherworldly experience occurred shortly after his neocortex became active. But that’s something the former scientific skeptic oddly overlooks. 

Moreover, if Dr. Alexander wanted to prove his scientific veracity, why didn’t he submit his evidence in a paper for peer review in the scientific community and share that with us in the book?
He hints that he was eager to share his discovery with the world. Or maybe he’s not trying to convince the skeptics but reassure and confirm the beliefs of the buying public.

While well-written and sometimes poignant, the book reads like part Chicken Soup for the Soul and part creed screed. Dr. Alexander blasts scientific materialism and argues that by rejecting it, we can get in touch with our spiritual selves through love and compassion. But I don’t see how love and compassion are empty without God. After all, even if our brains are nothing more than electrical-chemical signals in an all-too-biological machine, that does not negate the real subjective experience of the “machine” (a inexact comparison he and other neurosurgeons toss around too readily, because machines are not conscious and self-aware)."

I am willing, even anxious, to reconsider my position on NDEs',  but single unexplained personal experiences, even by a neurosurgeon,  just don't do it for me.  Without review and input from the scientific community, there are still too many other plausible explanations.

Learning to Listen: The Jazz Journey of Gary Burton: An Autobiography by Gary Burton

Learning to Listen: The Jazz Journey of Gary Burton: An Autobiography by Gary Burton


I heard Gary Burton's first album around 1970 when I was a high school percussion student and he was a new young player. It inspired me to learn to play the vibraphone well. Fortunately, I had a rented vibraphone and a good private teacher and I learning to play a few 4 mallet arrangements fairly well for a high school kid. I've continued to follow Gary's career and music and so I was pleased when his autobiography came out. I was doubly pleased when I started reading it and found it engaging and very well written. I enjoyed reading the behind the scenes aspects of the music business and also the personality quirks of many of the artists that Gary worked with over the years. A really great book for anyone interested in the music business.

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